The Adventure Begins

Okay today is Christmas. Yesterday, Alex (my brother) and I went to the mall. We had to get gifts for the Angus's. We got Crate and Barrel gift cards for the Kim and Kristin as wedding presents. We will be giving Kim, Kristen, and Kat $$ as well because I failed to get them a real thing this year. I cannot always be perfect I guess, right? This is fine with me though. My dad got John and Debbie some type of ornament and we got them also a blow-fish from Fire and Ice. 

Before we went to the mall we went to the gym and I had a really good workout. I did 10 minutes on the treadmill for a warm up then 15 minutes on the bike, and then 25 minutes on the cross ramp. It is like the elliptical but better. I think at least.   

At the mall I walked into this skincare store which was a big mistake. Alex ended up spending a lot of money and I feel guilty about it. It is  an early birthday gift but I feel bad that I did not just say no to the salesman because the whole time I wanted too. But what is done is done and I will have great skin. Right?

From spending too much money we then had a good conversation about everything. Where Alex and I were able to talk freely and tell each other how we were feeling without fighting. Like most of our conversations it led to talking about my weight and how I need to exercise more. I have been exercising at least one a week which for me is good because compared to that I had been doing nothing. I am not coordinated and am not athletic at all. Some of this probably stems from me being overweight though as well. Alex set a challenge for me though because he bought the skin care stuff. Alex wants me to work out at least 5 days a week and eat better to really lose weight. It is not going to be easy but it is possible. I have said and thought this many times before but this time will be different. It will be an ongoing process but that is okay because it will be a change in lifestyle that will include exercising, portion control, and as much as I hate it writing down what I eat. So this is why I am writing this. I want to lose weight, I think that writing about it will help me succeed, and as my sorority always says it is a way to keep myself accountable.

I have been working out more to help relieve stress and feel better. It has been working even though I am sore it is a good feeling because I know what the end goal is. I want to have a healthier life. Everyone I know wants this for me and I want it too. It is really hard though because in losing weight I will finally look how I feel which I guess is a good thing but I don't have anything to hide behind anymore. However, I want a better life for myself. My mom died for Leukemia and even though it was an extremely rare blood disease a risk factor was that she was overweight and I think in some unspoken way she felt that she deserved what happened to her because she was overweight. This is totally untrue but seeing what my mom went through my whole life it has obviously affected me in many different ways.

It has been a really tough two years. My mom becoming sick with a rare cancer that came out of no where, her being sick, going through a bone marrow transplant, getting sick again, dying, and then dealing with the grief. In this time my whole life as changed. I got into the University of Maryland, lost the one person in my life that truly understood everything about me, joined a sorority which has been a life changing experience, and just trying to live my life. Trying to live has been really hard because there is an immense part of my life that is missing and it will never be replaced because my mother cannot be replaced. I wouldn't want her to be because she was the best and I would not change any part of my childhood because it all happened because of her.

So this might sound a bit extreme but I want to lose my weight so I can live a long life. Like I said before I want to look the way I feel. I am a confident person. I am also shy because the way I look effects how others perceive me. And even though loosing weight will change everything it will be a good change. 

So, so far today I have eaten:

Breakfast: 

• About 4oz of ricotta cheese with blueberries and raspberries. 
• A slice of bread of whole wheat bread from Spring Mill Bakery with about a tablespoon of peanut butter. 

I am hungry now so I will eat something...not sure what yet. I will and go for a walk with Alex.

That's it for now.

Sincerely, 

Julia

Update on the day: 
Lunch:

• A slice of whole wheat bread from Spring Mill Bakery with mustard, 3 slices of cold cut turkey, and 2 thin slices of Swiss cheese. 

• One orange